Perjury

from Crime Me A River by Sbassbear

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lyrics

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth
Defendant: Fuck yeah I got a million billion penises
Bailiff: Okay sir that’s not exactly what I meant-
Defendant: Also I’m adopted and I pee in the bed

I got a girlfriend for my girlfriend
And a dog for my dog
I’m a clown by the day
And nothing at night
I need a cream for my butthole
Cause it gets way too dry
I’d have sex with a man
But I’m allergic to guys

Bailiff: Sir I think that maybe there’s a misunderstanding
The reason you’re here is for a parking ticket
Judge: ORDER IN THE COURT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SINGING
Bailiff: Sir can you please just answer the question?

Defendant: I killed a guy and a buried him on the moon
He was my friend and his name was Benatello
I drove my car into the wall of someone's house
In my defense it was because he was a fuck jerk

credits

from Crime Me A River, released January 1, 2019

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